I’m missing my friend. RIP

I just want to share a story. Denelle was always big on self-love and the importance of putting yourself on the map. Tonight, I laid ashes around my own house because my friend was a crow and I am a wolf. Usually you hold up your opposite clan and I have only ever laid ashes down someone else’s house. When you lay ashes around another families home you are offering prayers of protection and comfort. The ashes were from a sacred fire in Telegraph in 2013 (my grandmother’s original territory). As I laid the ashes down, I thought of the memories of Denelle. I thought about when her brother passed and I asked her if she wanted me to lay down ashes for her and she said “No! I am Kaska! I don’t believe in that” In her big longhouse voice. I prayed and sent love and peace unabashedly to myself and my family. This is what Denelle wanted for us all. To love and be loved. How often love was withheld from us growing up due to residential school mentalities from our parents. How easy it is to love others but difficult to love ourselves. How often do we withhold our own love because we think there is not enough to share when in reality it is a limitless well. The more you share the more you have. Thank you Denelle for all of the lessons and all of your words of encouragement and advice. You will always be in a special place in my heart and I know my grandparents will be happy to see you. See you again someday my friend. I love and miss you. Tsu yéi ikkwassateén!

(Days are going by and it is not feeling any easier. I’m in a very deep chasm of grief and my heart is empty and sad.  I can hear you saying “You got this babe” and that helps me to push forward in my goals in life and at work. Every day is a struggle to hold back the tears and I just can’t believe that you’re gone. I love you so much and I’m very sad. I wish you could come back to us. I’m thinking of all of the loved ones in my life that I’ve lost and talked with you about. I hope you are spending time with them. Especially my dad Gary. Your faith was insurmountable and I really hope that there is a heaven so I can go there someday to visit you).